Sometimes a purchase is just a purchase — a new pair of shoes, a bigger TV, a dinner out. But just as often, it’s not about the thing itself. It’s about what the thing means to us.
We need to talk about money. Which is awkward, because most of us were taught not to.
==>First in a series about money and relationships.
You’ve probably heard it—or maybe even said it:
“She just loves to splurge.”
Or maybe:
“He’s such a tightwad.”
But what if arguments about money aren’t really about money at all—but about power, priorities, and feeling seen?
A friend recently suggested that women overspend while men think more economically. It’s a common belief—but is it true? And even more importantly: is that really the problem?
Polyamory isn’t a free-for-all. It runs on honesty, emotional intelligence, and calendars. When it works, it’s expansive, connective, and healing. When it breaks down, it’s usually because someone skipped one of these…
The old rules of fighting—winning, dominating, avoiding—don’t work when both people matter.
Most of us learned how to fight growing up. Not martial arts—emotional combat. Yelling. Shutting down. Giving the silent treatment like it’s an Olympic sport.
But when those same tactics show up in our relationships, they don’t protect us—they isolate us.
This piece is about how to reframe conflict from something destructive into something connective. Spoiler: it’s not about avoiding fights—it’s about learning how to fight for each other.
Most of us don’t think of ourselves as having trauma. We think of our childhoods as normal—because they were normal to us. But the patterns we carry in adulthood—like shutting down when things get too close—don’t come from nowhere.
Meet Alex: a man stuck in a loop of emotional shutdown, overfunctioning, and broken connection. His story might feel eerily familiar—not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s quietly true.
There’s a story about a couple who put a bean in a jar every time they had sex the first year of their relationship…
Is there a one-size-fits-all answer to cheating suspicions? Nope. Not even close. But that doesn’t mean your gut’s useless — just that context is everything.
Curiosity in conflict is a game changer. It slows down reactivity. It invites understanding. And it builds connection right where disconnection usually takes root.
It’s easy to think conflict is about personality differences. But honestly? Much of what we struggle with in relationships is baked into human nature—the same wiring that drives large-scale conflict, division, and tribalism.
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