You love your partner, but between late meetings, early mornings, three kinds of laundry, and scrolling the void at bedtime… date night has quietly entered the Witness Protection Program.
Maybe you’re not avoiding each other.
Maybe you’re just… doing life.
But here’s the catch:
Connection isn’t self-sustaining.
It doesn’t refill overnight like your phone.
You don’t “earn it” once and coast.
And here’s the deeper truth:
Emotional intimacy isn’t self-sustaining either.
It’s not a given. It’s not guaranteed.
It’s a garden.
When you tend to it—check in, flirt, laugh, touch—it rewards you with something vibrant and alive.
It surprises you. It grows on its own.
It brings beauty, joy, and yes—sex. The kind that feels connected, generous, and real.
But leave it untended?
Neglect the care, stop showing up?
It doesn’t die dramatically. It just fades. Dries up. Weeds grow where blooms once bloomed.
Eventually, no one remembers what it used to look like.
There’s a story about a couple who put a bean in a jar every time they had sex during the first year of their relationship. They nearly filled it.
The second year, they started taking a bean out after each time.
It took years to empty that jar.
It’s not really a story about sex.
It’s a story about what stops growing when no one’s paying attention.
About how two loving partners become polite roommates with shared expenses.
So… Why Bother With Dates?
Because carving out the time and energy to date your partner is how you say:
“You’re not just part of my routine. You’re still my favorite person.”
It’s not about candlelight and overpriced scallops (though hey, live your truth).
It’s about connection—no phones, no dishes, no updates about the HVAC.
We talk about the importance of “me time.” But dates? Dates are us time.
That means truly seeing and being seen.
And you can’t get there talking only about work, the kids, or who forgot to defrost the chicken.
A date is when you stop managing all the things and remember who you are together—and experience who you’re becoming.
But Who Has Time for This?
Honestly? No one.
Think of it like car maintenance. Nobody wants to spend time and money on it.
But those who do avoid breakdowns—and get a smoother and more enjoyable ride.
So don’t wait until your lover becomes just your best friend to ask,
“When was the last time we talked about anything but logistics?”
Make it easy:
• Coffee on the porch
• A kitchen dance party
• Ten minutes with eye contact and no damn screens
Whatever your version of connection is—do that.
To Date or Not to Date?
Yes. Date.
If you’re tired, find a way to renew. Doesn’t your partner deserve your best self?
If it feels awkward, do it anyway. Avoiding connection won’t make things less awkward.
Avoid “Netflix and chill.” A date isn’t a date if the main thing you watch is a screen.
Showing up for each other on purpose is how relationships thrive.
OK, let’s be real: it’s how they survive.