The Stereotype Showdown

You’ve probably heard it—or maybe even said it:
“She just loves to splurge.”
Or maybe:
“He’s such a tightwad.”

But what if arguments about money aren’t really about money at all—but about power, priorities, and feeling seen?

A friend recently suggested that women overspend while men think more economically. It’s a common belief—but is it true? And even more importantly: is that really the problem?

What the Data Says

Spoiler: it’s not about handbags vs. hardware.

Yes, men and women spend differently. But here’s what that actually means:

  • Women tend to spend more on household goods, children, groceries, and caregiving—often because they do more of the caregiving.
  • Men tend to spend more on big-ticket items like electronics, sporting events, and automobiles. Spoiler alert: a kayak, a new phone, and playoff tickets will run you a bit more than some candles and concealer.

Now here’s where it gets good:

  • Men are more likely to stay within a budget.
  • Women are more likely to set the budget in the first place.

So the guy sticking to the budget? Often working off her spreadsheet.

And yes, women go over budget more frequently—but often because they’re shouldering more of the single-parenting, elder care, and daily survival costs. Their spending isn’t about impulse. It’s about responsibility.

In short: it’s complicated. (Click here for the long version.)

Arguments about money are rarely about who bought what, for how much. They’re about who gets to decide what matters.

Two Options

Before you judge your partner’s purchases, understand what they’re actually buying.

  • A new outfit might be about self-worth.
  • That new game console might be about freedom, escapism—or maybe even avoidance.
  • The fifth kitchen gadget? Could be about trying to get it all done when there aren’t enough hours in the day.
  • The fancy candle? Maybe it’s about peace in a house full of chaos.

The spend is never the full story.

If you’re worried about how your partner spends, here are two options:

Set up a budget with separate “fun money”

Create a shared household fund for essentials, and individual monthly “no-questions-asked” spending accounts.
If he wants a fur-lined bathtub, that’s his call.
If she wants an electric dog tooth polisher, that’s hers.
(Yes, those are real things. We Googled.)

Celebrate the diversity of your choices—and make sure the dog’s teeth aren’t polishing the bathtub.

Be curious. Not critical.

Don’t ask, “Why did you buy that?” Instead, be curious. Explore:

  • “What’s important to you about this?”
  • “What were you hoping to feel?”

Your partner isn’t the enemy, and you’re not a prosecutorial version of Judge Judy with a joint checking account.

Your partner’s spending reflects who they are—and guess what? You picked ’em. So put down the gavel and use the moment to learn a little bit more about your partner..

Once you’re able to appreciate them for who they are, it’ll also make it a lot easier for them to understand why you spent $12,000 on that hallway portrait that “just spoke to you.”

Bottom line:
If the fight about spending is actually a fight about feeling seen, no spreadsheet is going to save you.